For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
