You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You need a sexual gate keeper
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
