end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
