I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
