4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
