Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if only i could text you this smell
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
