remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
