I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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