why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
