If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
