Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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