Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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