I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
