She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
