went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.