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so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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