Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today