Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.