Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
