Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
