Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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