I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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