happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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