You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
