That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i barfeds in our rink
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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