I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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