In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?