Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
