Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.