what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.