There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?