she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.