The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
