i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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