Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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