im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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