I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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