Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
