is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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