singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
