Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
