Sry I called you an 8
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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