I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
