if you like me you must not know who I am
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
COCAINE IS GR8
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize