dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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