I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize