Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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