My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
