Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
