So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
