It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
