I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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