before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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