We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
