She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And then my night got REAL pukey
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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