she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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