He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
