somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
