first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
