What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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