i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I die, sorry about rent.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
