hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
