Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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