If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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