Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
