I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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