Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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